Stop the Abuse

A few disclaimers:

  1. I’ve wanted to keep this blog writing related, and this one will sort of be related: One of the characters in my new novel is an asshole.
  2. I’m not a fan of reality tv – as seen in my previous piece – I’ve never seen any of the Kardashian shows, and certainly don’t appreciate Kim K’s latest words about/to women in business.

Given that – This whole Kanye and Kim that has repeatedly made the news makes me wholly uncomfortable and I’ve figured out why.

Trevor Noah said it:

“What she’s going through is terrifying to watch, and it shines a spotlight on what so many women go through when they choose to leave. You know, people always say that phrase to women. They go, ‘Why didn’t you leave?’ … Yeah. Because a lot of women realize when they do leave, the guy will get even crazier. And when I say ‘crazy,’ I don’t mean ‘mental health crazy,’” he said.

“What we’re seeing … is one of the most powerful, one of the richest women in the world, unable to get her ex to stop texting her, to stop chasing after her, to stop harassing her,” he said. “Just think about that for a moment. Think about how powerful Kim Kardashian is, and she can’t get that to happen.”

YES – THIS IS ABUSE. It is stalking! And the madman is threatening the only person I actually like in this whole fiasco – Pete Davidson.

I dated a man who would not leave me alone. I blocked his phone calls only to have him call me from a private number. I blocked his emails only to have him reach me from new email addresses. When I warned him not to show up at my house, he sent letters. When I wrote “return to sender” on those, he began sending post cards, then packages to my children – all of which went straight into the trash. It took more than two years – two years after I broke up with him – for him to stop. He’d even been seeing someone else while doing this. He’d even proposed to me while he was seeing someone else. As if he believed this was just a hiatus and all would be well again.

While he didn’t threaten me – too smart to put it in writing – the fact that he would not leave me alone was frightening enough.

It happened again, some years later, but this one did threaten me. I went straight to the police. In some ways, I didn’t hear from him again. However, he did damage in other ways through other people.

Because the laws of verbal abuse, threats, and stalking are not strong enough to actually stop perpetrators from continuing to abuse their former partners, we see in the news when it erupts in violence.

As Trevor Noah said – K & K’s drama is playing out in the public eye. We can see what is happening. We may have all dealt with an ex that was an asshole – but this goes beyond that. The woman shares children with guy. She can’t cut him off completely. She seems to be attempting to be civil – kudos to her. He continues to harass and attempt to control her. And he is threatening Davidson’s life.

If it is not stopped, we will see a violent end played out in the media.

Maybe the soon to be attorney can help create new stalking laws – perhaps she can see the seriousness of a problem so many others face and fight for them.

Let’s speak out – add to the #metoo movement with the #stoptheabuse movement and bring attention to all who face this type of harassment.

We can say no. We can walk away. We have the right to do that. And we have the right to not be shamed, harassed, attacked, or threatened when we choose a better life.

(More – or less – about the asshole in my upcoming novel on my next post.)

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