Tag: inspiration

A New Year State of Mind

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I’ve been asked a number of times, “how was your new year?”

To which my response is: It’s still the New Year, right? It’s still 2024?

No, I’m not being a smart smartass, although I’m certain some see it that way.

The new year is not just about a single celebration followed by a hangover the next day.

The new year is a promise filled with hope and trust. We carry that magical Believe attitude into the future and make plans far beyond the holidays to change, to improve, to love our lives.

We are able to begin anew, fresh starts, new growth and wrangle this next year into what we want to be and what want our lives to be.

Many people give up their resolutions by week 3, and some push into month 3, but what if we can hold on to that New Year state of mind longer.

It is still the new year. I will still call out to you Happy New Year as we pass each other on the trails or in the shops.

The future is upon us. It’s here. Enjoy. Celebrate. Not only did we make it through the last, we’re living the promise.

Happy New Year!

The Necessity of Wasted Time

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I treasure the cool mornings in my garden surrounded by the soft sounds of birds twittering with drought tolerant blooms that still have the power to attract butterflies and nourish the bees before we all begin to struggle from the mid-day heat.

This is my time. A time before the day starts. A steaming cup of tea at my side and my cat at my feet. Occasionally, the neighbor’s cats stop by for a quick stroke before they’re off chasing a roly-poly or a grasshopper.

The gardener’s haven’t yet begun their buzzing, blowing, clipping, and mowing, and the traffic sees only a neighbor or two starting their day. It’s serene. Regenerative.

Therefore, when someone recommended I save my “wasted garden time” as a reward for a full writing day, my whole body reassigned itself to the back of the chair as I studied her. I felt profoundly misunderstood.

“It’s quite hot in the afternoon.” I offered. “I can’t really sit outside in the 105 degree heat and feel regenerative.”

She didn’t have an answer to that, but tried to offer another option.

Writer’s, let us be honest, need down time. There are times when things are flowing and we are bleeding words, we sit day and night at the desk or table or in some random chair maybe even at a coffee shop or even in the 105 degree heat in some shaded place in our car while we wait for an appointment and we write and we can’t write fast enough. But there are times, the juncture before those, or the moments after, when ideas percolate.

At times, it may seem we are doing nothing. We are wasting time in our gardens or traveling or walking or doing whatever it is that makes us who we are and fills our well with tranquil reflection. This is the place where our stories lie dormant, waiting for us to give attention to them, offer them life.

Temporary cessation is (sometimes) necessary for regeneration. Consider injuries: Does the doctor tell the athlete, “after you run a few laps, then you can rest it”? Or does the Rest Ice Heat Elevation come before the next laps?

Recreate is to Re Create.

Writing and Critique Groups

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Many years ago, I belonged to my first writing/critique group. In the beginning, it was great to get together, talk about writing, and read each other’s work. We were all novice writers.

There was a session when one member, the most critical of all of us, spent the whole time helping a single writer with the few pages she submitted. We didn’t get to the rest. None of us were too worried about it. The point was to help one another. The following session, however, the same member looked at my pages and threw up her hands, “I don’t even know what to do with this.” And she offered nothing. The rest of the group was as surprised as I was.

I don’t know what about those pages ticked her off that she wouldn’t respond to them but driving home that day I realized I was not in the right group. I didn’t attend again, and the group disbanded soon after.

Finding the right group has to be one of the hardest tasks a writer faces. Of course, we want writers equal to or better so the feedback is helpful. Personalities matter as well. If there is someone who waxes too critical without being helpful or another who is overly helpful and won’t be critical – neither is furthering the work.

Some writers might have different values.

One writing group was run by a well known editor. She had a certain way of doing things and everyone needed to do it her way. I respected her opinion. We got on well, even if sometimes we disagreed. One woman quit after a month. She didn’t see how all of our very different work and styles benefited from sounding all the same.

I stayed with that group a little longer, valuing the feedback I received. But then it was time to move on.

My writing and critique partner who lasted the longest offered me the greatest feedback. The more we read each other’s work, the more we talked about our goals for each individual piece, the better partners we became. And, we became lifelong friends along the way. Her work is sensitive, detailed, almost understated. And even though our writing was different, we understood each other’s voice and values. We were able to give each other helpful feedback on a regular basis. Her infirmities have left her without a creative streak. And as she tries to heal, I cannot ask her to read my work.

The few writer’s conferences I’ve attended have drawn people to me – but they are looking for a teacher, a mentor, and I can’t mentor all of them and still have time to write.

There were a few authors I would like to remain in contact with, but they have their own critique groups and want to charge outsiders for their services.

Critique services are good for editing, perhaps some are good for storylines. But trusting someone who doesn’t know you or your goals often ends with needs unmet and the critique unsatisfying.

Maybe a writer doesn’t need a writing group or critique group after a certain point. But writing is so solitary,it helps to surround oneself with like minded individuals.

Rage Writing

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Lately, I’ve struggled to write. Distractions or, maybe, a war with writer’s block. Ideas bloom, but nothing flourishes.

I moved from my comfort zone. That lovely, warm death of a comfort zone. We should destroy them all! I started going elsewhere to write. Many of us write escape the comfort and distractions of home by fleeing to the local coffee house the house. The noise, the activity, and the lack of chores calling to us helps.

The other day, errands unending, I dropped everything – except my computer – and rushed out of the house. While driving, I considered everything I would write as soon as I arrived.

Yet, as I lucked into a good seat, grabbed a cuppa – my creative mind became dark, dank, and blank.

Frustrated, I opened another document and poured it all out. I wrote out everything that annoyed me, pissed me off, enraged me for the last while. Things I wouldn’t normally complain about.

It worked! My writing flowed!

Often, to glow in gratitude, I push off those little annoyances, small worries, not wanting to complain about things that aren’t that big of a deal or will, sooner or later, resolve themselves. But, now I wonder.

Has my lack of complaining mean I’ve been holding back?

Sitting at home this morning, I opened the story I’ve been working on and ….. notta.

I opened my other document, the one I am now going to call RAGE, and wrote. It’s a freewrite of all my worries, concerns, annoyances, little things like the broken light to larger things that aren’t working out as planned. I don’t hold back.

Ah… FREEDOM!

In a few minutes, I switched over to my current story and found flow. My story is coming together. I’ve accomplished more in the last week than I have the whole three weeks prior. I feel more focused, clear, and able to make decisions about the direction of the story.

Try this, please! If you’re struggling with a story, or writing in general, just start rage writing whatever comes to mind, and then take a deep breath, and move over to your story. Let me know if it works for you!

AI Fiction – are the last vestiges of humanity disappearing?

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For the first time, I saw a call for fiction with a warning about AI submissions.

Is this what we, as writers, have to contend with now? I’m pretty confident in my fiction and the originality, the use of language, etc. Do I have to compete with AI in writing good fiction or original fiction? I’m just not certain how this will work for writers. (I suppose this is partly what the writers’ strike is about).

I was concerned enough about students using it in the classroom and we are told “not to worry, work it in with exercises.” Uhm, why? I’m trying to teach my student writers how to form sentences, create meaning, develop paragraphs and write to include their own beautiful and important opinions and ideas. Why am I going to say – hey, let’s see how well AI can write this idea? The students are concerned enough about their skills; if we show them that AI can indeed write it better, will they bother to improve?

Writing takes time and practice. I put in my 10,000 hours. (plus!) One can not develop those skills overnight.

Many seem to believe writing is a skill you’re born with. How will I convince students and writers that it’s the work, it’s the blood, sweat, and tears, that will bring about beautifully written prose and it will have all been worth it?

When you see for yourself that you can do it, when you write something that you never thought you could – then you will understand the accomplishment, feel the endorphins rush through your body, and believe the work was worth the struggle.

But, if instead, AI writes it, the student/writer never really learns the value of doing it for themselves. (let alone the hows of doing it for themselves.)

Is this the last vestige of humanity disappearing right before our eyes? The benefits and rewards of motivation, hard work, struggling and overcoming a challenge. The indescribable feeling of….. yes, I can!

I know many people are telling me not to worry, and perhaps I have fallen into troglodyte fashions of thought and creation here.

I suppose it’s only over when AI can learn to love what it does as much as writers do.

Pain Between the Lines

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As I mentioned previously, I was cleaning when a pile of my old journals fell on me. As I’ve been working on memoir, it seems that my journals were screaming, open me, open me! I thought – yes, there’s probably plenty of hidden stories just waiting for me to bring the to life again.

Yet, I haven’t opened one.

There’s a lot of pain between the lines of those journals. It’s hidden now, stored away, somewhere deep inside of me and inside of a box at the bottom of the closet – lest they jump out and attempt to injure me again.

I still think there’s a reason that they fell on me that day. It was, perhaps, a message, a sign for me to open and suck out the pain of the past, use it for my stories, for my memoirs.

I’ve written a number of short memoir pieces and they’ve been published nearly immediately. Good, short memoir, I suppose, it difficult to find for literary journals.

Memoir is important as it is healing – I’ve written about that point a lot; however, it is not only healing to the author, but to the reader. A memoir helps the reader understand they are not alone in their pain and that someone out there survived and thrived.

So – yes – I know, I have to go back into those books. I have to push myself to open them. I have to make sense of them now, as an adult, or even some years away from whatever I might read, and perhaps I can heal little pieces of my chipped soul. And others may understand that they are not alone.

The Stationary State of Distraction

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When people say they are distracted, there’s an image of flurried movement from one thing to another; however, for me, it’s a fixed state of forfeiture. As if I’ve lost something, given something up.

It’s a vexing feeling of loss and sorrow. Sometimes, I feel I’m unable to change the course of distraction.

It seems, in attempting to change the course of distraction, we become more distracted. We try different things, move to different locales, tell ourselves we need to take a vacation, or maybe try meditation, or even – yes – make a schedule!

But they’re all just distractions that stop us from doing what we need to be doing. For me, this is writing!

At this very moment, I’m listening to an exercise to help me keep focus while making tea, waiting for a phone call, and writing this blog! Multi-tasking is the inroad to distraction!

What’s worse – I suck at sales – and I’m told I need to make videos to market myself and my books. Yes, that’s exactly what I need to do. Distract myself some more figuring out how to make videos to upload to social media.

I rolled out of bed a few hours ago. I’ve been sitting here, off and on, trying to write. I have not even brushed my hair. If I were to put this blog in video format, I would want to brush my hair, brush my teeth, clean the house or at least the background, put on some make up, wear something other than my favorite t-shirt… more time, more distractions to keep me from what I need to be doing, which is writing.

I totally get some of you are doing this. Congrats, friends. I need your secrets!

I suppose many people call this monkey mind (I hate that term), but it’s accurate. Moving from one thing to another – mentally – even if I’m sitting in one place. There seems like I have so much to do.

The truth is – I’ve done this before. I’ve been in the stationary state of distraction and moved not so smoothly to the state of active focus on my writing. I need two things to make this happen. The first: I really need to shut down all the things I need to do. They can be done later without resulting injury or death. Second: focus on something I want to write.

Instead of all the have-to’s and should’s, I just need to enjoy writing again. That usually begins with loving the characters, interested in the storyline. Maybe even start something new and exciting instead of trying to rework something that doesn’t seem to be working. When focus is achieved and I feel that other work that needs more work is worth my time, then I can move back to it.

Aaaahhhh…. now I feel better.

Drama, drama, drama

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I feel bad for a neighbor who is going through some stuff. I’m not going to judge her or what she may or may not have done. I am going to judge the people who showed up at her door screaming and yelling at her when she has small children inside.

I won’t go into her drama. I’m just saying – we’ve all had some, right?

Drama seems to follow some people – or does it? For some time, I felt drama followed me around like a stray dog. But like a stray dog – if you feed it, it’ll come back.

Once I got away from EVERYONE, and I mean everyone, who was into drama, gossiped, was jealous, said half assed things to me, the drama went with them.

Many, many years ago someone said to me, you are who you hang around with. They were talking about one particular girlfriend who was in trouble quite often. So, at that time, being the smart ass kid that I was, I refused to believe it.

It took me some time, sadly, to realize that you are who your friends are. Even if most of my friends were saints, I always had that one… you know the one… and I thought that really didn’t matter. They need me. I need them. They would help me hide the body.

At some point, I realized that person, or those people, don’t bring anything to my life. In fact, they take away from the quality, happiness, calm, peacefulness, so I decided to find a new crowd.

Well, not exactly. I decided I’d rather be alone than have people around me who didn’t truly care or support me. But soon I started finding real friends. Good friends. They may or may not help me hide a body, but I know they will stop me from doing stupid things, support me when I want to step out of my comfort zone. They will help when I need help and lift me when I’m down.

I’ve had enough drama to keep my journals filled and my writing sparked for the rest of my life. I don’t need anymore of that sh!t.

I checked on one of my friends recently, and she responded, “you are so incredibly kind.” And it took me a minute to see myself as she described. I mean – I have always, always attempted to be kind and giving and loving. But I was around people who did not care, people who said I did not give enough. It feels wonderful to be surrounded by those who see me, who help me to be who I want to be.

Drama can be addicting – some people live off of it, thrive off of it. They draw it in and pull others in with it. They create it through gossip and misadventure! Lie. Invent things.

One must really decide to make a change. And one must decide they’d rather be alone. Being alone can mean working on ourselves without outside interference and we all need that. And then be selective about those you include in your circle. There is nothing wrong with deciding who to fill your circle with. It’s one of the most important decisions in your life. It dictates who you want to be and who you can become.

The Unnatural Nature of Advice

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I met an award winning author recently who offered me a review of my memoir in progress. While she had many good things to say, she had much advice to offer. It was logical, solid, understandable advice.

Which made me rethink the whole memoir and wonder if I should even be writing it. That’s okay, doubt is natural.

The following day I met another award winning author who offered me advice on the same work in progress. While she too had many good things to say, she had advice to offer as well. She had well thought out, strong ideas.

Which were completely opposite of what the first one said.

This made me rethink the nature of advice and writing. (not my memoir!)

One must seek advice and sometimes take advice to improve and grow. Seeking advice is natural for us. Giving advice when asked (or for some unasked) is natural.

Advice usually comes from someone who has experience in the field, sometimes they are not an expert but speaking from their own experience. It’s not invalid advice. It’s not necessarily bad or wrong.

HOWEVER, when writing, you must follow your heart, your passion, you must get it all out, lay it all down, before someone even begins to tell you what to do with this or what to do about that.

This is the unnatural part of advice and advising. Giving advice without understanding the end goal is presumptive and could be incorrect. Taking advice at face value without seeking other input could be a mistake.

Advice must be taken with a grain of salt. It should be backed up by others (or research). And must be evaluated with your own common sense.

My memoir is still a work in progress. Telling me now how it should be formatted or must be framed only interrupts the flow of writing.

There is also more than one method for memoir. Memoirs are personal experiences and must reflect the person and their experience.

Out of Life’s School of War…

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A friend once said to me – they stole the life you were supposed to have! I was surprised by her angered response about something from my past. I’d never considered that anything had been stolen from me, taken from me, or that I missed out on anything in particular having not had the perfect childhood. See, I don’t believe there is a perfect childhood.

I remember a young woman saying, “my life would have been so much better if I’d had a father.” She was bemoaning the fact that she was raised by a single mother. And I said, “What if you had a father that beat you and your mother? What if he drank? What if you had a father that stayed out all night or didn’t work for a living?” She fumed – how can you say that?

People have this image in their heads of how things are supposed to be and they lament what they believe they do not have or what they’ve lost. They believe their lives might have been magically transformed had that …. blah.. blah.. blah… been different or perfect. I consider – it could have been worse!

I’ve just always taken the experience at face value. My parents made mistakes. Everyone’s parents make mistakes. But you get what you get and you make the best of it.

In watching the Arnold Schwarzenegger documentary, he said his tyrant of a father motivated him to do more, to do better; he says, if it wasn’t for his father, he would have never left his small town.

YES! Had it not been for the childhood I experienced, I may not have been so incredibly motivated to escape, to do better, to strive for more.

The truth is – like Schwarzenegger’s brother – some people don’t get out. They stay stuck. That was my worse nightmare.

My experiences of lack have informed my writing, have inspired me to strive for more, have helped me develop empathy and compassion. My shitty childhood motivated me to do more, want more, be more.

When I write about the past, I am not wailing about it. I’m praising the resilience I gained to overcome life’s challenges!

Nietzsche’s whole quote: “Out of life’s school of war: what does not destroy me, makes me stronger.

It’s a much abused and misquoted line. Maybe even I am oversimplifying it.

It’s a choice. You can choose to let the school of hard knocks keep you down, or you can choose to get back up. It’s hard sometimes to keep fighting – and you have to refine your technique. But you can win. And it’s not by looking back and wishing for what might have been, but by looking and moving forward.

Create the life you want.