Category: 365

Postpartum Writers

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Have you heard of Postpartum publication syndrome? It appears to be a real thing for many writers.

Many of us have heard of or referred to our “babies” when writing. The act of creation – creating – we are bringing something new into this world. A good book takes years of hard work, anxiety, and challenges.

Then it’s finished, it’s published, and we have to release it into the world. It is, in some ways, no longer ours. The precious little life we have brought into this world is out, and… well… I know we’re supposed to be excited, ecstatic, but somehow, for some reason, we’re feeling down.

It’s a gain, no doubt, but it’s also a loss. It’s a transition from one phase to another, and the hard work is not done yet. In some ways, it’s beginning again, in another way. We are no longer alone in the dark at a desk, but we got comfortable there. And this change from releasing our darling into the world is harder than we imaged.

Many writers go through a phase of mild depression once their work is published.

I’ve heard many “cures” for this postpartum publication syndrome, which include:

  1. Start writing something new. (Of course, I feel writing is the best way to cure my blues.)
  2. Talk to other writers. (It does seem to be a good idea to talk to those with similar experiences.)
  3. If it doesn’t pass quickly, talk to a professional. (Yes. Good idea. There are a number of types of professionals who deal with writers (there has to be, we are a questionable bunch)
  4. Absolutely know that you are not alone.

So – look at me – book’s not even released yet! haha. No worries! I’m okay. 🙂

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(this post, by no means, insinuates that the very serious topic of postpartum depression new mother’s face can be solved easily or taken lightly)

Secrets can be Deadly

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Secrets, at first, seem so harmless. Yet, when you find the person you love is keeping something from you – something that could damage your relationship – secrets can be deadly.

Secrets can be the lies of omission. When someone doesn’t tell another something or includes it after it’s been found out or questioned. Lies of omission are the gaslighter’s favorite game. This way they allow their victim to fall into a trap – the gaslighter will question their trust. “I was going to tell you. I thought you trusted me.” There’s no easy way to get out of the advanced manipulation tactics.

“I do trust you.”

“Then why are you questioning me?” or “Then you should know I intended to tell you” insert “at the right time” or other. The manipulator will then pout or become angry – or start with one and end in the other. Whatever it takes to throw their partner/victim off balance, leaving them uncertain of how to respond or rushing to correct the situation, which is what they want. Power. Control. Over the other person’s emotions, ideas, opinions.

Another hint for my upcoming release:

BUT THERE’S MORE –

More secrets….

and more to come.

Cover reveal – coming soon!

Gaslighting

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The old movie, Gaslight, is about a guy who tries to make his wife think she’s crazy. Have you ever had someone do that to you?

It’s the most maddening thing. Someone tries to convince you that what you think is happening, what you hear, and/or what you believe is all wrong and that you must be imagining things.

In fact, they get upset with you when you start doubting them and try to seek information for yourself. Of course, they are tying to keep you ignorant and under control. That’s what it’s about.

In my new novel – cover reveal coming soon – Valerie is a sweet, kindergarten teacher who married the man she thought could give her the life she wanted and needed.

Sometimes, let’s be honest, we gaslight ourselves. We believe there’s a certain something (or someone) we need or want for us to be happy. If we’re lucky, we figure this out rather quickly. But, seriously, how many of us are that lucky on the first go ’round?

So – is Valerie being gaslighted? or is she gaslighting herself?

Stop the Abuse

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A few disclaimers:

  1. I’ve wanted to keep this blog writing related, and this one will sort of be related: One of the characters in my new novel is an asshole.
  2. I’m not a fan of reality tv – as seen in my previous piece – I’ve never seen any of the Kardashian shows, and certainly don’t appreciate Kim K’s latest words about/to women in business.

Given that – This whole Kanye and Kim that has repeatedly made the news makes me wholly uncomfortable and I’ve figured out why.

Trevor Noah said it:

“What she’s going through is terrifying to watch, and it shines a spotlight on what so many women go through when they choose to leave. You know, people always say that phrase to women. They go, ‘Why didn’t you leave?’ … Yeah. Because a lot of women realize when they do leave, the guy will get even crazier. And when I say ‘crazy,’ I don’t mean ‘mental health crazy,’” he said.

“What we’re seeing … is one of the most powerful, one of the richest women in the world, unable to get her ex to stop texting her, to stop chasing after her, to stop harassing her,” he said. “Just think about that for a moment. Think about how powerful Kim Kardashian is, and she can’t get that to happen.”

YES – THIS IS ABUSE. It is stalking! And the madman is threatening the only person I actually like in this whole fiasco – Pete Davidson.

I dated a man who would not leave me alone. I blocked his phone calls only to have him call me from a private number. I blocked his emails only to have him reach me from new email addresses. When I warned him not to show up at my house, he sent letters. When I wrote “return to sender” on those, he began sending post cards, then packages to my children – all of which went straight into the trash. It took more than two years – two years after I broke up with him – for him to stop. He’d even been seeing someone else while doing this. He’d even proposed to me while he was seeing someone else. As if he believed this was just a hiatus and all would be well again.

While he didn’t threaten me – too smart to put it in writing – the fact that he would not leave me alone was frightening enough.

It happened again, some years later, but this one did threaten me. I went straight to the police. In some ways, I didn’t hear from him again. However, he did damage in other ways through other people.

Because the laws of verbal abuse, threats, and stalking are not strong enough to actually stop perpetrators from continuing to abuse their former partners, we see in the news when it erupts in violence.

As Trevor Noah said – K & K’s drama is playing out in the public eye. We can see what is happening. We may have all dealt with an ex that was an asshole – but this goes beyond that. The woman shares children with guy. She can’t cut him off completely. She seems to be attempting to be civil – kudos to her. He continues to harass and attempt to control her. And he is threatening Davidson’s life.

If it is not stopped, we will see a violent end played out in the media.

Maybe the soon to be attorney can help create new stalking laws – perhaps she can see the seriousness of a problem so many others face and fight for them.

Let’s speak out – add to the #metoo movement with the #stoptheabuse movement and bring attention to all who face this type of harassment.

We can say no. We can walk away. We have the right to do that. And we have the right to not be shamed, harassed, attacked, or threatened when we choose a better life.

(More – or less – about the asshole in my upcoming novel on my next post.)

The Warp of Time

Published on by Noreen Lace2 Comments

Did you ever notice how when you’re looking forward to something it seems to take forever to get here?

And when you’re nervous about something, it seems to come far too quickly?

I think these both describe the release of a new novel.

I thought I’d be finished with final edits. (Maybe I am and I’m freaking out about nothing.) I thought I’d have the cover in front of me – something visual for me to get me through those long nights of worry.

But, so I’m told, we have some time.

But will time go slowly? or will it speed up and suddenly be here and I won’t feel ready?

There’s so much more I want to do with this one – more book signings, more marketing. With the lift of restrictions, that is a possibility.

This story is a little different than my usual. But, then again, I have crossed genres before. I’ve done a little mystery, a little horror, some magic realism, but this is different. There’s actually a romance in this one. That’s not the only thing- you guys know me. The dark stuff is there. The mystical is there. So is some cold hard truths about love, drugs, marriage. And also – the beauty is in the details.

I hope to have a cover reveal for you in a few short weeks! The photo above – HINT. HINT. HINT.

Wellness Writing Prompt

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When I first came to yoga, our instructor made fish pose a regular part of our sequence. And for so long, I disliked it. It was uncomfortable – and I thought possibly unsafe.

matsyasana or fish pose

Fish pose, for those of you who are unfamiliar, is a pose in which the person lays flat on their back, but then lifts their upper back and head to place the crown of their head on the floor.

This pose, or rather the dislike of this pose, inspired a story titled Matsyasana. It is the very things which make us uncomfortable, which may (or may not) be connected to other, deeper things, that we must explore.

When I started looking at Fish Pose from a different point of view – thanks to the story – I understood what the pose could be. For me, it became about looking at life from a different point of view. Sometimes we get stuck in our discomfort. If we don’t or can’t move past it, we will never find what is on the other side. And nothing is as bad as being stuck – anywhere or in any way.

The first writing prompt for the group Writing to Wellness is to approach this topic in some way. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a yoga pose, but consider a position which makes you uncomfortable and write about it. If you’re perplexed, begin by attempting to describe the pose or position, then delve into the part of it that makes you uncomfortable – either in a fictional or non-fictional way. The point is just to start thinking about it and writing about it. This group is a safe place. We will support one another in our individual journeys. Feel free to share or ask for feedback.

Self Care and Writing

Published on by Noreen Lace2 Comments

This year is a year of self care. The people I’ve met and those I’ve chatted with are seeking self fulfillment, searching for growth; it is a year of healing.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish. We are a well. Empty wells can not serve or help others. We need to refill our wells, take care of ourselves in order to be any good to our children, our spouses, family, or community.

We can heal through writing. We can find ourselves and our purpose through exercises meant to expose our deepest desires and inspire our motivation.

Many years ago, I met a woman who was in so much physical pain, she could barely walk and used a cane to get around. Through our semester together, writing exercises, guest speakers, and the process of opening up, she found what was eating away at her. Once exposed, her physical pain began to resolve. She walked with much more ease and moved with more freedom than she’d felt in years.

We can heal through writing. We can resolve our deeper issues. We can discover our purpose. I’d like to invite you to a group Writing to Wellness . The group is on facebook for the moment as that seems the platform where we can not only post and respond to writing prompts, challenges, and answer each others’ questions, but we can also do live writing groups, which I’d like to do at some point. We can also welcome speakers and post videos there.

Please feel free to join. I invite you to respond to prompts, receive writing feedback, and take part in a community dedicated to healing and wellness. Negative comments, trolling, and other uncivil behavior will not be tolerated.

3 Ways to get Unstuck

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We all have those moments when we feel a lack of motivation, we’re dry on inspiration, and inevitably dragged down by the same. The continuing covid plague hasn’t helped the situation. These are three things I (and other writers) have tried with some success to release the damn and restart the flow. (This is not just for writers!)

  1. Discuss creativity and inspiration with a colleague or two. Recently, in a discussion with another writer, I was pleasantly surprised by their take on creativity. I found it refreshing and it actually inspired me to consider my own thoughts. I soon fell into a lovely flow.
  2. Take a day trip. There are two types of trips I like to take – one is to a place that is familiar which gives me the warm fuzzies and shakes ideas loose. But when I’m really stuck – someplace new and unfamiliar. The beach or the mountains are always a good idea, but visiting a town a hop, skip, and jump from you, a new museum, or a place that would never fall on your top ten list. I was in North Carolina recently and stopped by the Museum of the Bizarre. I enjoyed talking to the employee who was knowledgeable about the history of the place and I lucked into a sword swallowing show.
  3. Search for your old notes and writing. Whenever I’m looking for something, I run across old writings – my notes and stories and ideas are scrawled everywhere. I collect them and save them for times when I’m feeling dry. While I may not relate to an idea my twenty five year old self was thinking, there may be a kernel in those scribbles for a new idea. Even if I don’t pick up that idea, just rereading these releases bubbles for new ideas.

Let me know what you do to shake off the stickies.

Four Ways to Grow as a Person

Published on by Noreen Lace2 Comments

Do you know people who don’t change, they stay the same, saying the same things, thinking the same narrow thoughts? Dealing with these people is challenging. It is a great fear of mine to get stuck – to narrow as I age instead of continuing to grow.

This is my theory to never get stuck or to get out of being stuck is to embrace these four suggestions:

  1. Read everyday. I’m not going to say it doesn’t matter what you read; in some ways, it does matter. Read far and wide, don’t discriminate. Magazines. Sci fi. Young adult. Horror. Literary. Self help. Reading builds intelligence and empathy.
  2. Write everyday. Even if you’re not a writer. Journaling, writing down thoughts, dreams, ideas, or even what happened in your day is a way to reflect on yourself and your life. Self reflection helps us grow. Especially if you are a writer – write something!
  3. Forgive. Forgiveness if not for the person who wronged you. It’s for you. Forgiveness sweeps the dust from our souls. To forgive does not always mean to forget, and it certainly does not mean to allow the person to wrong you again. Forgive and move on.
  4. Gratitude. Be thankful for where you are in life or for the power to change where you are. Be grateful for your health, the roof over your head, the motivation to grow, the inspiration to follow your dreams, the desire to work toward your goals, for the bird song, the blue sky, the rain, or that you’re one step further away from what you don’t want and one step closer to what you do.

I’ve known too many people who have lost out on a real life, a happy life because being stuck is more comfortable than change.

These suggestions are only a beginning, but they are a good start or to continue on a journey to become a more open, intelligent, and sensitive person.

Interview with Jo Rousseau, author of Tourists in the Country of Love.

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I can not tell you how much I love Jo Rousseau’s writing. Her book, Tourists in the County of Love, is prize worthy. Her writing is sensitive, thoughtful, reaches into the depths of the individual soul, searching for the reasons for immoral acts.

Her previous awards include a first place essay, “Becoming Rousseau.” “Dead Dog Blues,” won the Writer’s Digest Short Story Competition. “Why Can’t We All Play Guitar like B.B. King” won the Seattle Magazine Short Story Contest.

Her book, Tourists in the Country of Love, features stories of men and women who make decisions that are sometimes beyond their own understanding. The first story is “Reading to my Mother.” A tender story of a mother who is no longer able to care for herself and the question arises – who will care for her? It’s never an easy answer, but added complications make it even more difficult in this story.

This interview with Jo Rousseau focuses on her story, “Maurissa takes the F-Scale.” (The F-Scale was a test after World War 2 designed to measure fascist tendencies.) There are questions and answers about the novel as well as her writing style. I hope you enjoy watching as much as I enjoyed speaking to her.

Here’s where you can take the F-Scale