This is in praise of the wallflowers. Guess what, honey, you’re not missing much.
I had roommate tell me once that it annoyed her to no end that I didn’t seem to go out much and she had the urge to pick me up and throw me out the door to force me to be social.
Uhm, yeah, that would worked.
I guess I’m mostly an introvert. I do have my moments when I’m more extroverted. I guess one could call me bi-verted.
Sometimes, it feels really good to get out and do something I don’t normally do. I’m not talking travel – that I completely do. I’m not talking about getting outside – I do that regularly too. I’m talking about going out specifically to a event to meet friends and strangers and do some heavy socializing or networking.
It’s not that I’m not good at it. When I’m not feeling forced, I’m really rather good at it.
I do have friends who feel like they’re failures if they don’t have plans on Friday and/or Saturday nights. One friend texted me to write on the wall of her facebook – “had a great time last night” because she didn’t want anyone to know she’d stayed home. Another friend messaged me to write on her social media account, “the party was great, lots of good people… ” etc. She prompted me what to write.
Silly, I think.
There are times I’ve gone out and didn’t have a lousy time, but it was mediocre at best. I thought – there’s a hundred other things I could be doing that would be more fun, including that age old “I’m washing my hair.”
I went to one party where, in an attempt to be social and get to know the host’s friends, I asked, “So what do you do?”
I was met with dogged stares. “What do you mean what do we do?”
“Uhm, for work, for fun?”
Some social events include the whole “no where to sit, no where to stand, hey there’s a table, this table is ours..” followed be hard looks and threatening body language by anyone from people who look like they would murder us for the chair or even the blue hair squad.
I’ve found serenity in not expecting to be out all the time. I’ve found peace in not taking part in activities or events in which I’m not keenly interested just for the sake of socializing.
When I socialize now, it’s so much more gratifying.
At a holiday party, deciding at the last moment to go, I met members of a band who were not “on”. They weren’t playing and they weren’t promenading; they were just hanging out with friends. Some of those friends included a woman who owned a chicken farm and regaled us with stories of cocks and chicks.
At another recent event, a crowd gathered round me. I found myself surrounded by strangers talking about art. They were all from a local art school and I enjoyed their interpretations and expertise.
Don’t waste the eyelash glue or the time it takes to put it on just to go out because you feel you must. I know there are a ton of counterarguments to this, but my whole focus is love, joy, peace, and serenity. I find those things when I’m not being forced into anything. I find that in doing things I want, not just taking part to take part.